A House Is Not A Home

No, not Luther's rendition!

Tonight, I took pride in my home, & it felt good... like it was mine, & like I wanted people to love it as much as I did.

What did I do, you ask... I washed dishes, vacuumed, washed my front door, & watered my grass... something that I never do. So much so that all my grass is nearly dead. But, I'm hoping w/ a little TLC, water, & fertilizer, it will be as green as the other side, in no time.

Bills, bills, bills...

Would someone please pay my bills!? Just for a few months... say, 'til august!? Sugar Daddy, Sugar Daddy, Sugar Daddy... where for art thou, Sugar Daddy!?

Shopaholics Anonymous

I will not spend money. I will not spend money. I will not spend money... if I say that 3 times fast, will that cure me!

Whoa is me. I made out a pretty budget & everything. & I think it would have actually worked if I hadn't bought that cute top from Forever 21, then there was food & drinks @ Boudreaux's... totaling a whopping $50. Isn't that sad... I don't have 50 damn dollars to spare... this shit has got to give... WTF!? But, it's my own fault. I'm in a world of debt, which eats up most of monthly. So, my life is currently in the hands of my debt... sigh.

But, the moral of this here sad story is that it could be worse. So, I'm going to smile in the face of adversity & my own stupidity, knowing that one day soon, very damn soon, I'm going to concur this foolishness.

She is me...

So, somewhere along the way this year, I lost connection with the girl in my head again, or we just fell out... I didn't really get the memo. 6 months into the year, I realize that I haven't accomplished anything on my "to-do" list, & for no other reason than pure laziness. & that's mostly because I've truly realized how hard it is to change... How hard it is sometimes to just get up & do something. & for this reason, I'm the worst procrastinator that I know. But, there's a bright spot... I start ballet this Wednesday, so let's pray that this opens the door for me & this girl becoming the best of friends... She should be my best friend... After all, she is me!

Untitled & Unfinished...

I love you & it scares me
I love you & I'm just starting to understand why
I love you & I'm just starting to understand how
I love you & I pray that we have more time.

But, how do I set aside my own desires so that we continue to grow separately & jointly
How do I learn to say no to something/someone that I want so severely
How do I begin to trust a heart & a person that has betrayed me w/o merit
How do I forgive & forget about the past when it's continuously affecting our present.

Gaining Weight

So, I have gained a few (maybe 4 or 5) lbs. in the past month or so. & each time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of what a frustrating situation it is... a few lbs. isn't a problem, but it's what those few lbs. can bring that is... more friends, more lbs... so I'm committing myself to getting off my lazy ass this week, & making an effort to keep it tight. B/c Lord knows I would die if I lost my sexy!