Dare I say it... I used to be closed-minded... gasp, sigh... yes, I know. I can't believe it, either. I'd completely forgotten about this unspeakable behavior until a conversation that I had yesterday w/ a couple people regarding interracial dating... Ironically, I've always been open to dating outside of my race, though, I prefer brown skin & have always said that I would never marry someone outside my race... YET, I have ridiculed my male counterparts for dating outside our race... sigh... yes, it's true... I used to be one of the evil, angry black women that said that black men had sold out if they chose a white woman. So, I am here today to repent for my ignorant sins.
Truth is... no one knows the circumstances that surround a person's decision in choosing to date outside his race... could it be, that he is as open-minded as I claim to be. I believe this to be the case now, more than ever... but, I can honestly say that to a large extent, I wouldn't be mad @ a black man for making this choice for certain malicious, vindictive reasons... of which, I will list, below:
1. Black women have bad attitudes & are unbearable to tolerate...
Now, before you assume that I'm all about bashing black women, remember that I am one & that I love being one; however, there are some undeniable flaws in our ability function in & sustain healthy relationships. Most often, I've heard, & most times sided w/, the argument that black women have endured a slew of distress that has caused our aggressive & combative nature. & while this is somewhat true, this does not excuse ANY of our behavior... whatever distress we've experienced, shouldn't give us the audacity to believe that we won't be held accountable for our actions. Our experience w/ heartache, suffering, & distress is no different than a difficult life that's experienced by any other person in this world... we all have the right to be angry & grieve over pain that we've experienced; however, we all have the responsibility to seek out the source of that pain, & the method/actions necessary for eliminating & overcoming that pain. A person that moves thru life reacting to every situation based on past experiences, failures, & pain, is as ignorant as a person that doesn't want to pursue an education.
2. Black women don't know how to care for black men...
Ironically, this statement probably wasn't true until the 70's or 80's... but, most likely the 70's (I think)... which is the time when black women began to stand side-by-side w/ black men in militant & civil-rights organizations like Black Panthers & NAACP. Prior to that, we were as dedicated to motherhood & "wifely duties" as our white counterparts. But, the 60's came & went, & had opened up doors for the race as a whole. Black women began stepping out of the kitchen to earn their own income. & as previously mentioned, we began standing by our male leaders... speaking up & taking new leadership roles... w/ this progress, began the struggle to be identified as an equal, not just a "help-mate." Sure, our white counterparts were also fighting to be equal, & who knows how many families that fight divided... but, in the black community, this divide, unfortunately, became a mainstay... & so, the single-mom was birthed... During the 70's, thousands of black women began the journey of guiding & teaching black children... trying to teach a young girl how to be a respectable woman as well as trying to teach a young boy how to be a respectable man... all the while, trying to maintain a respectable income & household... all alone. Prior to the 70's, this was more the exception than the norm, & most of the exceptions were due to widows. Perhaps, the increase single-mothers during the 70's was a direct correlation to an increase in the divorce rate... I'm not sure, but, unfortunately now, divorce is a minute fraction in the causes of single-mother parenting. In the past 20-30 years, having children out of wedlock has become the standard for most black couples.
Well... that's all background information... that's not even my main point... the black woman's ability to care for a black man, or any man for that matter, was lost when the black family began to disintegrate... how can a woman learn how to care for a man, if there isn't one around? & this unfortunate circumstance had a direct impact on the children... the young girls & boys that spent their childhood in this environment. The children that were products of this environment grew up, & guess what, they didn't know how to care for or communicate w/ one another b/c there was no positive example of this within their household as children. This has become a constant cause of frustration in the black community, & has developed into decades of pain & resentment between the genders, caused by the inability to effectively communicate.
3. Black women have a looooooong list of demands...
I find it completely hilarious, & sometimes frustrating, that Hollywood consistently portrays black women as these closed-off, dissatisfied, demanding, super-divas... but, you know what... Hollywood has a damn good point... this couldn't have been portrayed more clearly than on the recent dating show which starred Chili from TLC... (as I type this, I'm hit w/ the revelation that her actions were probably solely for the camera... BUT, they could still be true... anywho...) Chili had the most unrealistic, annoying "list" that I'd ever witnessed in my entire existence. & to be honest, I just realized that I have actually encountered women w/ these dreadful "lists." un-freaking-believable... how the hell do you function w/ a "list" (I totally imagine saying that word w/ disdain on my face that can only be rivaled w/ eating a spoiled, sour apple)... I mean, do you go on each date w/ a "list" of questions, & check each one off as the candidate answers... & do you dismiss a candidate b/c you didn't like his watch... cause clearly it was on your list that you had to like his watch... I mean, WTF?! How in the hell do you expect to build a connection w/ a person when all you can concentrate on is the fcuking "list" of demands running thru your head??? (throwing my hands up in the air in complete despair) I just don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have preferences, but am I going to dismiss someone b/c they don't fully match my "list?" & I'm sorry, my memory is terrible, so I would either forget to carry my "list" w/ me, or I would completely forget what the hell I included on the damn thing... *huffing & puffing*... that's just STUPID!
& I'm going to let you in on a little secret, ladies... usually, the woman that has the damn "list" is the one that has ALL the demands w/ no intention of reciprocating... who the hell wants to be w/ someone like that!?
Sure, we're supposed to be treating like queens, but shit... y'all want the royal treatment & then treat the dude like an UN-royal subject... & SURPRISE, ladies... you're outnumbered... so, you can walk around like yo' shit don't stank if you want to... you can walk around thinking that you are just too royal to be passed up by anyone... & I guarantee that you will continuously watch those potential kings pass you by... looks only last so long... attraction only last so long...
Oooooo, but don't think I've forgotten the flip-side of the list-toting interviewer... we also have the list-toting advertiser... AH YES!... these are the black women that walk around w/ their "list" of attributes... I'm a good woman b/c... 1. I'm intelligent, 2. I can cook... blah, blah, blah... These women wave their "good woman" status around like a fcuking get-out-of-jail free card... holding it over every suitor's head as if to say, "you'll never find another like me!" UMMMMM, boo, yes he will... while the market is flooded w/ skanks, hood-rats, & video hoes alike, there is also an army of educated, independent, soul-food cooking women that are ready & willing to "cater" to a man, or @ least show him the "list." But, a good woman/candidate doesn't have to advertise her "good" qualities b/c she allows her actions to speak louder than her words... & btw, the only thing that separates you from another "good woman" is timing & chemistry... so, while your peach cobbler may be the best in Mayberry, he will gladly choose the candidate that hasn't cooked a cobbler a day in her life, but is willing, b/c he enjoys her "conversation."
4. Black women are too... RELIGIOUS...
I must admit, this is an EKM original... I had to include it for shock-value & good ol' comedic flare! Please don't think that I'm the 2nd coming of Satan, ladies... of course, I love God & have a personal relationship w/ them... however, I must admit that I have to laugh every time I see these bible-toting, Christian women try their hand @ having a dating/social life. These are the women w/ a clear "list" of what they don't do... 1. I don't drink, 2. I don't want to go here or there b/c the devil is there, 3. I don't kiss until the 8.5th date b/c God told me not to... Extreme??? I don't think so... These people exist. No one is asking you to sell your soul to the devil in order to have a relationship w/ a man, but I strongly doubt that the most God-fearing man would want such an uptight & restricted woman... there's a difference in representing yourself as a God-fearing, respectable woman, & the bible-toting, door-to-door knocking, missionary that is often replicated in such movies as the Friday series. If you really trust in God, you don't have to shout out His name every time you're faced w/ an uncomfortable situation... how about being confident in your faith enough to not use it to call every activity "evil" or "un-Godly." I can't stress enough, how annoyed I am w/ people that are always putting God's name on everything... 1. God told me that I should go to the store, 2. God told me that he's the one... no, he's the one... no, he's the one... There is only ONE ONE... every man can't be "The One." You're so busy putting God's name on everything that you probably DON'T hear him when He's really trying to speak to you... hell, He's probably trying to tell you to lighten up & have some fun.
So, there... here's my list of reasons why black men choose to go to the other side... & the moral of the story is: a little open-mindedness never hurt any body...
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