So, I've had writer's block for days... I keep thinking of topics that I'd like to write about, only to get on here, & write about something completely different, & then hate it & delete it... there's a subject that's been gnawing @ me for days, but the things that I want to say haven't fully developed, mentally... not even enough to start free-styling when I get here... & then I have a bunch of random thoughts that are clouding my brain right now (actually, this isn't outside the norm)... I'm sure I've said this before, but I find my "a.d.d" nature to be endearing @ times, but sometimes, it's just downright annoying...
So, hopefully my brain will stop cock-blocking sometime soon... btw, I'm not sure I really like that term... that I've ever liked that term... but, it served its purpose for today's brief post.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Illusion of Power
I'm always thinking of fun/funky ways that I can spice up my life... & this lead to a conversation w/ a good friend of mine about stripping & the likes.
For a very, very split second, I hypothesised about how exciting it could be... but, I quickly recanted this burst of excitement... realizing that there was nothing empowering or fun about this act... @ all.
& I thought of the millions of women that venture into this business, & similar ones, each year... believing that their new endeavor will carry power... buying into the cliche belief that "p*ssy is power." & while there is power in the p*ssy, eventually, the powerful will feel completely powerless, disrespected, & lonely.
There's no real respect to be had when a woman operates under this mindset... she basically lessens her entire worth to one body organ... it's not even a unique organ... p*ssy is a dime a dozen, & it's only as unique & "good" as the person that's attached to it... so, why on earth would a woman allow herself to be guided in this world buy a single body organ?
Certain songs trigger this "secret" desire of mine... I think most women would admit that they've thought about stripping, or the likes, to some degree, @ some point in their lives. It's sexy, it's sensual, it's arousing, it's exhilarating... but, the thought of a strip club is just... disgusting... I mean, I'm disgusted by some of the men that hit on me while I'm out & about... I can't imagine how those same men would behave when I'm half-naked & grinding & gyrating to some Drake, 50-cent, Lil' John, or Ying-Yang Twins' song.
I've never been to a female strip club, but I can imagine that they're not much different from what's displayed on TV & in movies... dark, sweat mixed w/ all kinds of other stale odors.
I was even more intrigued by this phenomenon when I watched "Brooklyn's Finest" the other day. In the movie, Richard Gere plays a soon-to-be retired police officer that hasn't had the most decorated or honorable career or life, for that matter... so much so, that he has regularly visits w/ a Spanish prostitute... very pretty girl; I'm sure the directors chose her to invoke curiosity in the viewer... curiosity about why she would choose such a lifestyle. So, towards the end of the movie, she buys him a watch as a retirement gift... doomed by the life he's created & relishing in the genuine act of kindness displayed by the prostitute, he asks her to move away w/ him... she quickly declines his offer & tells him to leave... he goes down to his car, right outside her apartment, & contemplates shooting himself... already feeling like sh*t, he's just been rejected by a prostitute.
Even more thought-provoking than his misery & desperation, is her reaction... I immediately thought that her self-worth has to be so low that she couldn't even appreciate & accept his request... or, her self-worth is why she couldn't do these things... b/c after all, he was ready to run away w/ a person that he barely knew... he was infatuated w/ the fantasy that they'd shared.
But, why does a woman subject herself to also live in this fantasy... after all, isn't that why women engage in this lifestyle... unable to receive or understand genuine love, they allow their p*ssy to lead the way... they allow men to fall in love w/ this organ b/c they don't know how to get men to fall in love w/ who they are as a person.
So in this sense, the illusion of love & the illusion of power, are one in the same. I can't find anyone to love me, so I'm going to buy it w/ my p*ssy... I can't find anyone to respect me, so I'm going to demand/earn it w/ my p*ssy... that line of thinking is even more shallow than the tragic beauty who believes that she's owed something b/c of her beauty. & for this reason, stripping, prostitution, & the likes, are the most powerless, disrespectful, simple-minded careers known to man.
For a very, very split second, I hypothesised about how exciting it could be... but, I quickly recanted this burst of excitement... realizing that there was nothing empowering or fun about this act... @ all.
& I thought of the millions of women that venture into this business, & similar ones, each year... believing that their new endeavor will carry power... buying into the cliche belief that "p*ssy is power." & while there is power in the p*ssy, eventually, the powerful will feel completely powerless, disrespected, & lonely.
There's no real respect to be had when a woman operates under this mindset... she basically lessens her entire worth to one body organ... it's not even a unique organ... p*ssy is a dime a dozen, & it's only as unique & "good" as the person that's attached to it... so, why on earth would a woman allow herself to be guided in this world buy a single body organ?
Certain songs trigger this "secret" desire of mine... I think most women would admit that they've thought about stripping, or the likes, to some degree, @ some point in their lives. It's sexy, it's sensual, it's arousing, it's exhilarating... but, the thought of a strip club is just... disgusting... I mean, I'm disgusted by some of the men that hit on me while I'm out & about... I can't imagine how those same men would behave when I'm half-naked & grinding & gyrating to some Drake, 50-cent, Lil' John, or Ying-Yang Twins' song.
I've never been to a female strip club, but I can imagine that they're not much different from what's displayed on TV & in movies... dark, sweat mixed w/ all kinds of other stale odors.
I was even more intrigued by this phenomenon when I watched "Brooklyn's Finest" the other day. In the movie, Richard Gere plays a soon-to-be retired police officer that hasn't had the most decorated or honorable career or life, for that matter... so much so, that he has regularly visits w/ a Spanish prostitute... very pretty girl; I'm sure the directors chose her to invoke curiosity in the viewer... curiosity about why she would choose such a lifestyle. So, towards the end of the movie, she buys him a watch as a retirement gift... doomed by the life he's created & relishing in the genuine act of kindness displayed by the prostitute, he asks her to move away w/ him... she quickly declines his offer & tells him to leave... he goes down to his car, right outside her apartment, & contemplates shooting himself... already feeling like sh*t, he's just been rejected by a prostitute.
Even more thought-provoking than his misery & desperation, is her reaction... I immediately thought that her self-worth has to be so low that she couldn't even appreciate & accept his request... or, her self-worth is why she couldn't do these things... b/c after all, he was ready to run away w/ a person that he barely knew... he was infatuated w/ the fantasy that they'd shared.
But, why does a woman subject herself to also live in this fantasy... after all, isn't that why women engage in this lifestyle... unable to receive or understand genuine love, they allow their p*ssy to lead the way... they allow men to fall in love w/ this organ b/c they don't know how to get men to fall in love w/ who they are as a person.
So in this sense, the illusion of love & the illusion of power, are one in the same. I can't find anyone to love me, so I'm going to buy it w/ my p*ssy... I can't find anyone to respect me, so I'm going to demand/earn it w/ my p*ssy... that line of thinking is even more shallow than the tragic beauty who believes that she's owed something b/c of her beauty. & for this reason, stripping, prostitution, & the likes, are the most powerless, disrespectful, simple-minded careers known to man.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
From Red to Black...
It's amazing... the things that are required in adulthood. I think I took a personal financial management class in college, but I can barely remember the material that it covered... I say this b/c I believe that young adults should be required to maintain budgets either in high school or college. Matter of fact, high school students should be required to examine & understand their parents' monthly/annual budgets... maybe, I'll implement this practice for my children.
Parents have traditionally believed that b/c they say something, their children will understand the concept/consequences, & take heed to the advice given, but that's rarely ever the case. I had plenty of adults, including my parents, that warned me about the consequences of debt & the mismanagement of finances... yet, these issues have been my biggest hurdles as an adult.
I've created monthly budget after monthly budget, & w/o fail, each month, I end in the "red"... it's a perpetual cycle that continues to grow & worsen.
So, here I am... yet again. But, I am determined to end this month in the "black"... so, here's to a month of creative concepts in the pursuit of financial freedom & triumph... wish me luck!
Parents have traditionally believed that b/c they say something, their children will understand the concept/consequences, & take heed to the advice given, but that's rarely ever the case. I had plenty of adults, including my parents, that warned me about the consequences of debt & the mismanagement of finances... yet, these issues have been my biggest hurdles as an adult.
I've created monthly budget after monthly budget, & w/o fail, each month, I end in the "red"... it's a perpetual cycle that continues to grow & worsen.
So, here I am... yet again. But, I am determined to end this month in the "black"... so, here's to a month of creative concepts in the pursuit of financial freedom & triumph... wish me luck!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Don't Worry... Be Happy...
"I was too thoughtful to be happy. It was this everlasting which distressed & tormented me; & yet there was no getting rid of the subject of my thoughts." My Bondage, My Freedom by Frederick Douglas
I've been thinking about that quote a lot, lately... it basically sums up my current state. Today, I'm trying to push thru it.
There are so many things on my mind... so many things that I want that I don't have... I don't think I really know how to be happy... people say that you have to choose to be happy... I suppose that's true...
It's a funny feeling/thing b/c I'm not miserable, & definitely not dissatisfied enough that I don't have the will to live (suicidal), but I wish that I could fast-forward on this period of my life & get to the "good" part! The part where everything makes sense & comes together.
But, I know that I have to be patient... I mean, how am I going to appreciate the future, if I don't appreciate the present... yea, yea, yea... I do, so hate cliche sayings, but I suppose that they're cliche for a reason.
I always said that I never wanted to be the woman that puts a time-stamp on everything... "I want to be married by..." "I want to have kids by..." But, I think all the dissatisfaction is drawing me closer & closer to this woman. I don't want to limit my life to a certain age... if I have children @ 30, great... if I have children @ 40, great... I don't want to feel bad b/c I didn't accomplish certain things @ a certain age. I don't want to get caught up in societal expectations & the over hyped "American Dream."
So far, I've accomplished most things in my own time & understanding, so I'm hoping that this will remain true for the remainder of my life... but, I guess I'm getting impatient w/ my own time.
I've been thinking about that quote a lot, lately... it basically sums up my current state. Today, I'm trying to push thru it.
There are so many things on my mind... so many things that I want that I don't have... I don't think I really know how to be happy... people say that you have to choose to be happy... I suppose that's true...
It's a funny feeling/thing b/c I'm not miserable, & definitely not dissatisfied enough that I don't have the will to live (suicidal), but I wish that I could fast-forward on this period of my life & get to the "good" part! The part where everything makes sense & comes together.
But, I know that I have to be patient... I mean, how am I going to appreciate the future, if I don't appreciate the present... yea, yea, yea... I do, so hate cliche sayings, but I suppose that they're cliche for a reason.
I always said that I never wanted to be the woman that puts a time-stamp on everything... "I want to be married by..." "I want to have kids by..." But, I think all the dissatisfaction is drawing me closer & closer to this woman. I don't want to limit my life to a certain age... if I have children @ 30, great... if I have children @ 40, great... I don't want to feel bad b/c I didn't accomplish certain things @ a certain age. I don't want to get caught up in societal expectations & the over hyped "American Dream."
So far, I've accomplished most things in my own time & understanding, so I'm hoping that this will remain true for the remainder of my life... but, I guess I'm getting impatient w/ my own time.
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