"I was too thoughtful to be happy. It was this everlasting which distressed & tormented me; & yet there was no getting rid of the subject of my thoughts." My Bondage, My Freedom by Frederick Douglas
I've been thinking about that quote a lot, lately... it basically sums up my current state. Today, I'm trying to push thru it.
There are so many things on my mind... so many things that I want that I don't have... I don't think I really know how to be happy... people say that you have to choose to be happy... I suppose that's true...
It's a funny feeling/thing b/c I'm not miserable, & definitely not dissatisfied enough that I don't have the will to live (suicidal), but I wish that I could fast-forward on this period of my life & get to the "good" part! The part where everything makes sense & comes together.
But, I know that I have to be patient... I mean, how am I going to appreciate the future, if I don't appreciate the present... yea, yea, yea... I do, so hate cliche sayings, but I suppose that they're cliche for a reason.
I always said that I never wanted to be the woman that puts a time-stamp on everything... "I want to be married by..." "I want to have kids by..." But, I think all the dissatisfaction is drawing me closer & closer to this woman. I don't want to limit my life to a certain age... if I have children @ 30, great... if I have children @ 40, great... I don't want to feel bad b/c I didn't accomplish certain things @ a certain age. I don't want to get caught up in societal expectations & the over hyped "American Dream."
So far, I've accomplished most things in my own time & understanding, so I'm hoping that this will remain true for the remainder of my life... but, I guess I'm getting impatient w/ my own time.
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