My Alterego - Part 2

She sits in a corner booth, alone.
Smoke filling her air, as dark as the eyes staring from underneath long, layered bangs
She relishes the solitude that she knows all too well
Loving the opportunity to get to know those that will never know her
How refreshing it is to sit amongst a room full of people & go unnoticed
Body language & facial expressions tell a story that words never will
Her body language, her facial expression, as unreadable as Chinese literature to an American tourist
Those that look her way are greeted w/ eyes that speak evil & they quickly turn back to their superficial conversations
Her mind & hormones sway w/ the music
It’s the only sanity she recognizes in the room
She takes turns sipping dark liquor & puffing, slowly & methodically
Very few suitors have approached, & those that have, have fumbled over their words so, that she lost patience w/ them two sentences into their claim
She’ll know him when she sees him
He’ll know her when he sees her
He’ll approach w/ little hesitation
He’ll take control of the conversation far before she has the chance to turn away
Her one word answers won’t sway him b/c he knows it’s a front
& then he’ll sit, uninvited
& when she smiles, they’ll both know
But, he didn’t come
So, she quickly conjures up a plan b
She’ll call those that have been neglected yet still feening for her
She likes the control but will relinquish it if it causes annoyance
There’s really only one that matters
Years, tears, & lies, have gone by & still they remain
On limited & sometimes strained terms
But, still they remain
& it has worked best this way
He’s pretended monogamy & she’s shunned it
She maintains a constant tri-month rotation, but he has what others wish they could have
She gave it to him w/o wanting, w/o control
Something she never intended to do
Something she would never do again
He’d given her all that she’d planned to attain from another
Love, friendship, passion, sensuality, sexuality, compassion, guidance, support, lies
& even another piece of him, a namesake
As engaging & heart-stopping as their union had been
An ironic reminder of where her life had gone
But no love lost all the same
So, she called him last, expecting the disappointment that often came w/ their arrangement
An arrangement that was filled w/ as much love as a young college couple
They’d tried the monogamy, had discussed taking the walk
But, realized that it would never work b/c neither could give the other what they truly desired, which neither really knew what that was
She wanted to explore the world, but he only talked about it
W/ him, she couldn’t accomplish this, b/c he was her world
Making him happy would be who she would become
& he loved her too much to take that away from her
She was often tormented into illness & mental insanity when w/ him
The darkness that surrounded their union fought w/ her still innocent spirit
So many of those times ran thru her mind as the phone rang
He didn’t answer, not a surprise, but a blow to her heart
Moments later, the phone rang, one of her newly recruited, unsatisfying prospects
He wasn’t the best, but he would do for this night
He was available, & she was lonely, & heated
Thinking of the one she really wanted had sent her into uncontrollable ecstasy
She would give the replacement half of what she would’ve given him
She couldn’t give him all, never would, to anyone
All was his
They met @ his house, he wasn’t allowed @ hers
Never would be
She didn’t waste time b/c she knew if she thought about it long enough, she would cry
She would feel the pain, the rejection, the loss
So, she blocked the memories as she had so many times before, & gave what she could
Once she got hers, she made sure his was quick & stealth
She knew his buttons, & had no desire to give anymore than she had to
He arrived quickly & violently, & she made sure to ignore his satisfying spasms b/c if she didn’t, she’d probably vomit
Just as she had so many times before, she quickly gathered her things, dressed, & vanished
just as quickly as he’d came
It was still early, just after 10
She picked up her namesake & was made whole again
She looked @ him as she always did, as if it were her first time laying eyes on him
Brown eyes just like his pro-creator
Skin color that was such a perfect mixture of mahogany, that neither could take credit
Wavy hair, as if he’d been given to an Indian surrogate after conception
She loved him, she adored him, & she’d die for him
She didn’t look @ him resenting her past
She didn’t spend moments crying over what could have been
She was thankful
She was fulfilled.